What do I do now that I've hit bottom?

“If I only had a Guardian Angel.  Can I be my own Angel?  Am I too far gone for rescue?

As I look down on myself from above, suffering and lost, I suddenly have compassion.  I cry seeing the heap that I have become.  I weep seeing my broken heart, the loneliness, the pain and despair.

You said I was “playing the victim.”  I wasn’t playing.  But I will be victim no more.  My eyes are open.  I see through you now.  And I see through me now.  The games and manipulations have lost their power as I “see” what is really happening.  I am no longer available.  I no longer give permission for you to sacrifice me for your false aggrandizement.  I see through the guilt-tripping.  I no longer get caught up in your twists and turns of thought that leave me in the dark, despairing.  I return home to me.

I look down at myself and wrap myself up in a blanket of love and acceptance.  Yes, I know I have made bad choices, I have acted out of weakness, out of neediness, and I have enabled you to overtake me.  I know I have been reactive rather than active.  I know.

No more.  I do not feed your disease any more.  I bathe myself in the light now.  I allow the shower of love and light to bathe over and through me.  I soothe myself with lullabies of love and gentleness. 

Now I protect my delicate heart – yes, I am still in here – from mean spirit and denigration.  I no longer give permission.

I take time now to honor myself in all that I am and commit to cleansing, building and reinforcing the essence of who I am.  No one can take that which I do not willingly give.

I reenter my body, mind and spirit.  I know that I am not alone.  I release the shame and instead honor the courage it takes to rise out of the ashes.

I live.  I love.  I am.