How do I find myself again?
When I suggest that you meditate you may find yourself resistant. Maybe it's "I tried but my mind wouldn't stop." Or it may be, "I don't know how" or "I don't have the time."
I understand. I experienced resistance as well. But I found a way that works for me. I share it here with you. It is a gathering of techniques that, if followed, will take you to the place deep inside of you that is quiet and wise. If you are entangled by the Other, overtaken, possibly manipulated away from your true self, this is one way through the maze to the core of you.
A few ideas:
- Develop the Witness. Sit quietly in a comfortable position with feet on the floor. Try to arrange a space that is quiet and where you won't be disturbed. Just notice your thoughts and feelings. Accept them. Look at your thoughts and feelings as separate from you. They are not you. You are witnessing your thoughts and feelings. This creates a little space between the You that is noticing and the thoughts and feelings themselves. Once you notice, let it go and be open for what happens next. Allow discovery.
- Set aside a brief time at first - it may be just ten minutes, fifteen. Once you get in practice you will want to stay longer.
- Don't fight the thoughts and feelings. Notice if they are positive, negative, obsessive, fear-based. Notice if they are positive, happy. You may squirrel around in your mind. You may find your mind a difficult place to be. Don't run, stay, accept, then release one thought or feeing after another in discovery.
- Watch them like you are watching a movie.
- Once the thoughts and feelings begin to slow down (since you gave them a fair hearing), notice what you see behind closed lids. Focus about two inches in front of your eyes, with eyes closed. Notice light or dark areas. In time you may see colors and images. Allow yourself to see the colors and images without judgement. Just witness.
- Now you have deepened: you can ask a question, a question whose answer has eluded you, a struggle whose resolution you seek, a question about a course of action, a question of the truth. Speak it in your mind, then release it like a balloon.
- Sit. Keep noticing. Follow where you lead. A word, a phrase, an image may come to you. Pay attention. Listen.
- You are in the zone of deep inspiration.
- At the end of your sitting meditation you may want to keep a journal of your adventure. Did you enjoy the "movie?" What did you see, hear or sense? The more you practice the more you discover the real you - and the truth within.
Note; this is not the usual idea of meditation. Most people understand it to be the way to a blank mind, the ultimate escape from your thoughts. I am encouraging you to go through your thoughts, enter and immerse yourself in your thoughts and feelings - including feelings of anger, loss, misery, resentment, hopelessness. Then as soon as you come in deep contact with these thoughts and feelings - let them go and welcome the next.
We humans tend to run from our pain. Running from what is inside is impossible. By denying, it remains inside and comes out inevitably one way or the other. It can make us sick, or cause us to act out in ways that are not helpful for our life goals.
By acknowledging what is inside then releasing - we leave room for inspiration.
Namaste, Cynthia